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Barney: I have dreamed about this day boys and it’s going to be legendary. Together we will own this city. Any time a girl wants to get back at her ex-boyfriend, we’ll be there. Any time a girl wants to solve her father issues through promiscuity and binge drinking, we will be there. Any time a bachelorette party drives through the city in a limo sticking their heads up the sun roof shouting “What's up New York?” we will be what is “up New York!”

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4.7
From episode Where Were We?.

Girl at bar: How old are you?
"Old Barney": 83, how old are you?
Girl at bar: 31.
"Old Barney": Ugh. *Barney walks away*.

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4.7
From episode Intervention.

Lily: So, just to be clear: you wanted everybody to go the mall -- today?

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4.7
From episode Slap Bet.

Robin: Come on, Ted can't be pregnant. You need to have sex to get pregnant!

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4.7
From episode Zip, Zip, Zip.

Robin: I get recognized once and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. I'm no VIP, I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P, sitting here in the gutter.
Lily: You know something? I'd take a P in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day.

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4.7
From episode Okay Awesome.

Ted: Why are you sleeping in our tub?
Barney: The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.
Lily: Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?
Barney: Don't worry, I slept through it. I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank.

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4.7
From episode The Pineapple Incident.

Barney: Do it! Come on Ted, do it! It's one of those things you have to do before you turn 30.
Ted: What? Sleep with a prostitute?
Barney: No, lose your virginity! What Up!

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4.7
From episode Mary the Paralegal.

Barney: Do you know why you're not over Lily yet? It's 'cause you can still picture her naked. You can't get over a woman until you can no longer picture her boobs. It's a scientific fact. The average male brain can only store a finite number of boob images, or BPEGs. And your hard drive's filled to the capacity with Lily's.

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4.7
From episode Where Were We?.

Barney: Dude! You were awesome last night! You were charming, you were funny, you were totally working that girl!
Marshall: You went home with her!
Barney: Yes I did.

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4.7

Barney: No one is turned on by a man's calves! They're a completely unerotic body part.
Marshall: You would say that because of those chicken legs.
Barney: I'll be waiting by the phone for your apology.

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4.7
From episode Brunch.

Barney: Your tombstone will read "Lily Aldrin: Caring wife, loving friend and Slap Bet Commissioner"
Marshall: And on Barney's grave it'll read "Got slapped by Marshall so hard he died"!

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4.7
From episode Slap Bet.

Actor: I am rage!
Actor: I am greed!
Lily: I am rage ... envy!
Barney: I am out of here.

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4.7
From episode Stuff.

Barney: Can I grab a scotch and soda real quick?
Bartender: Nope. I'm not allowed to serve anything until the reception.
Barney: Wow, you just cost yourself a big tip, buddy.
Bartender: I'm not allowed to accept tips. Buddy.
Barney: You allowed to accept criticism? You, sir, are an ASS! Buddy.

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4.7
From episode Something Borrowed.

Ted: Why don't you check your list?
Barney: My list?
Ted: Come on, man. Don't pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the women he's slept with.
Marshall: I have one. It's called my marriage license. (He and Lily high-five)

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4.7
From episode The Bracket.

Barney: You're the most awesome person I've ever known. Well, second most awesome.
Robin: Right, of course the first being you.
Barney: No, no. The first is this guy who lives in a place called the mirror. What up?

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4.7
From episode Sandcastles in the Sand.

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