'The Wedding Bride' - Season 5, Episode 23
Ted is angered when he discovers that the man Stella left Ted for wrote a movie about the situation, painting Ted as the bad guy.
Air Date: May 17th 2010.
Robin: He gave the robbers money?
Lily: No, he lent it to them! They said they'd send us a check, so Marshall gave them our address! I mean, what's to stop those guys from coming back and tying me up? Sometimes Marshall and I like to pretend, but the reality is scary.
Marshall: Ted is not screwed. You want to know why I'm nice to everyone? It's because I don't care about baggage. Most people see a person walking down the street with a big heavy bag they're carrying and they just walk on by. But not me. I look at them and say, "Howdy, stranger. Can I give you a hand with that?" And you know who taught me to be that way? A guy called Ted Mosby. A guy who's uncynical, and sincere, and believed in things. And you know Ted, I believe, deep down, you're still that guy.
Robin: Why don't you say something to him?
Lily: What's the point? He's from Minnesota. His high school mascot was a hug.
Robin: See, Marshall? This is what I mean. You can't treat New York City like it's the small, friendly, crime-free, inbred, backwoods, po-dunk, cow-tipping Minnesota hickville where you grew up!
Marshall: Crime free? Crime free? In 1994, the cashier from the feed store was held up at hoepoint. And besides, I like being friendly, okay? I'm not gonna change that about myself.
Lily: No, don't change baby. I think it's sweet. Sweet, sweet, (Marshall gets up) Sweet mother of God, he's an idiot sometimes!
Robin: Hey, what took you guys so long?
Marshall: Forget about it.
Lily: We were on our way here and Marshall wanted to stop and help some guys load their moving van.
Marshall: To be nice, didn't cost nothing!
Lily: And when the moving van drove away, who should show up but the owner of the apartment we had just helped some guys rob! And that one was hard to explain to the police.
Marshall: I'm glad we met young enough so I don't have any baggage.
Lily: Mother issues.
Marshall: I do not!
Ted: Grandmother issues.
Marshall: I definitely do not.
Barney: Great-grandmother issues.
Marshall: I just don't like it when she picks me up.
Barney: Ted, please tell me you are not impuning emotional baggage.
Ted: Baggage is a good thing?
Barney: Emotional baggage is the bedrock of America's most important cultural export.
Robin: Your biggest baggage is that you're too nice.
Marshall: How is being nice, "baggage"?
Robin: Have you ever seen you walk down the street?
Marshall: I don't even know how to answer that.
Ted: Royce, this doofus in the red cowboy boots, this isn't me.
Barney: Just to be clear, are you saying you don't have a pair of red cowboy boots in your closet?
Ted: Barney... what?
Barney: Everyone wants to know!
Ted: They're actually more of a burgundy.