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'Jenkins' - Season 5, Episode 13

After being kissed by his co-worker, Jenkins, Marshall can't get Lily to believe him. Robin discovers she's a drinking game played by Ted's students.

Air Date: January 18th 2010.

Barney: I had a drinking game based on Robin. Well, actually, it was on Robin. I poured peach schnapps into her belly button...
Ted: Dude, we've been through this. Don't tell me.
Barney: Very well. She didn't like it, anyway. Said it woke her up.

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Marshall: Our two kids, our eight grandkids, our eleven great-grandkids are all on a plane piloted by Oprah, and it's about to crash into a art museum with all of your favorite paintings, and the only way to save everything is just to answer the question: are you the reacher or the settler?
Lily: And Oprah's tried everything?
Marshall: Everything! And you have to decide now!
Lily: Well, I guess, if I had to say, then maybe I'd say ... I'm the settler.

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Ted: Wait, you want to have sex with Jenkins?
Barney: With Jenkins, on Jenkins, near Jenkins, you name it. I wanna wear Jenkins like a sock.

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Robin: Every good relationship has a reacher and a settler.
Ted: The reacher reaches for someone out of their league, and the settler settles for someone below theirs.
Marshall: Guys, I didn't settle for Lily. I mean, she's a little short and my mom says she doesn't have the hips to birth an Eriksen child, but (sees their faces) oh, my God, you guys think I'm the reacher.

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Jenkins: I'm so sorry I kissed you yesterday.
Marshall: That's okay.
Jenkins: And I'm sorry I had sex with you in the mail room.
Marshall: That wasn't me.
Jenkins: Oh, good grief, that's two awkward conversations I have to have today.

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