'The Sexless Innkeeper' - Season 5, Episode 4
A girl goes home with Ted from McLaren's, but leaves after sleeping the night. Barney breaks the news to Ted that he was used just for a place to crash. Robin and Barney have a awkward couple's night at Marshall and Lily's.
Air Date: October 12th 2009.
Lily: What about you, forgetting to check the egg time for charades? I gave you one thing to do, Marshall! One thing!
Marshall: One thing? I suppose that Gouda just marched itself through the door, sliced itself up, and arranged itself around not three, not four, but five sturdy cheese-bearing crackers.
Lily: You're a sturdy cheese-bearing cracker!
Lily: How do we know you two won't hurt us again?
Robin: You don't.
Lily: Damn it! Why is there something so attractive about a bad boy? And girl.
Marshall: I think we can change them!
Barney: We're sorry we haven't been returning your calls, and we respect you too much to give you the old song-and-dance, so here's the truth. The US Navy has found intelligent life at the bottom of the ocean, and for reasons too complicated to explain, Robin and I have been chosen to lead the expedition.
Lily: Wow, Barney. That kind of sounds like a line you give your dates when you're too much of a coward to dump them.
Marshall: That's exactly what it sounds like. But if it's true, that would be awesome.
Barney: Maybe we can call that weird couple down the hall from me. With the ferrets. Maybe they'll want to come over and play Taboo.
Robin: It's after midnight. We can't Ta-booty call them, it'd be pathetic.
Barney: Ah, tweed. Fabric of the eunach.
Lily: I've always wondered why tweed jackets have those elbow pads?
Barney: That's because people who wear tweed are always going (Puts elbows on table) Aww, gee. When will I get laid?
Ted: How was the couples night?
Barney: It was like we were on a date with a sad chubby girl our mom made us call.
Lily: Hey, guys, good news. First of all, you can ignore all the e-mails and texts we've sent you.
Robin: We have. Go on.
Ted: Barney, are you wearing sweatpants?
Barney: Maybe. But they're Armani!