'Robin 101' - Season 5, Episode 3
Robin suspects Barney is cheating on her, but soon finds Ted is teaching Barney about her.
Air Date: October 5th 2009.
Barney: Marshall, did you sell us out?
Marshall: I was vulnerable! I said goodbye to a dear friend today.
Robin: Dude, it's a barrel!
Ted: Aw, you're giving Mabel away?
Robin: I have so many questions. Why would you do this? What were you thinking? Who the hell is that guy?
Ted: Oh, that's Shin-Ya. He's sort of been auditing the class.
Ted: Yeah, I tried to explain to him it wasn't a real class, but I don't think he speaks English very well.
Barney: On the bright side he came in handy standing in for you during the role-playing exercises.
Robin: Wait, you did role playing exercises where I was played by Shin-Ya?
Shin-Ya: (Subtitle) They made me wear a wig. It was very demeaning.
Ted: What is Robin's dream job?
Barney: To become the most successful woman TV journalist of all time.
Ted: Correct. And if she achieves that, will she truly be happy?
Barney: No. Robin's deep-seated need for attention can be traced back to her father's emotional distance. And no amount of success will make up for what she truly needs, which is six simple words from her dad: "Robin, I'm proud of you, eh?"
Ted: Now we all know Robin's not what you'd call touchy-feely. She doesn't say I love you like a normal person. Instead, she'll laugh, shake her head, give you a little smile and say, "You're an idiot."
Barney: "You're an idiot?"
Ted: Yup. If she tells you you're an idiot, you are a lucky man. If she does say I love you, she's already broken up with you in her mind.
Marshall: (Watching a man and dog walk by his barrel) Oh, come on, dude, you know you want to. A guy like you beard, no moustache, you're exactly the kind of guy who could use a sweet barrel. Do it. (The dog pees on the barrel) That is not a fire hydrant! For shame, sir! For shame! I bet you couldn't grow a moustache if you wanted to!
Lily: Neither can you, sweetie.
Marshall: Well, he doesn't know that baby, god!
Marshall: What are you guys doing with Barney's secret Robin notebook? (Lily and Robin stare at him) Let me rephrase that. Did you two ladies lose some weight?
Robin: Here's Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning.
Lily: And what are you planning to do with it?
Robin: We, we, you and I, are gonna open it up and look for evidence. Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere.
Lily: No, stop, stop! Eye contact. Listen to me. Robin Scherbatsky is many things: friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. But she is not crazy jealous stalker bitch!
Ted: Be more attentive to where she is emotionally. Be present.
Barney: Yes, totally. One thing, and this is just me, I like my testicles attached to my body rather than rolling around next to some eyeliner in Robin's purse. Stinson, out!
Robin: Well, since you know me pretty well... am I fooling myself with this whole Barney thing?
Ted: I don't know. I will say this, though. I've seen Barney work very hard to get women. I've seen him work very hard to get rid of women. I've never seen him work this hard to keep one around.