This website will be closing down by December 31, 2017.

Submit Quotes

Quotes from Intervention


'Intervention' - Season 4, Episode 4

While Ted packs away his stuff to move to New Jersey, he discovers the gang was going to hold an intervention over his engagement to Stella.

Air Date: October 13th 2008.

Robin: I know your new place has had some problems with the slanted floor and the sewage treatment plant nearby, but you're going to turn it into a great home. Tell him, Lily.
Lily: It's a black hole where dreams go to die. I'm not moving, either!

Rate this quote:

Ted: My James Bond movies. Remember we watched them all in order and Lily spoke in that weird British accent for like a month?
Lily: (Speaking in a British accent) It was sophisticated.

Rate this quote:

"Old Barney": In a few minutes, the young me from your time is going to come through that door. Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, but in order to save the planet, you need to sleep with him tonight.
Cindy: What? I...
"Old Barney": Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming that saves the human race.

Rate this quote:

Robin: I'm moving to Japan. It took me a half hour to pack.
Lily: A half hour?
Robin: Well, it would have taken me 20 minutes, but a friend called me in tears.

Rate this quote:

Robin: Stella's not gonna let you keep half of this junk.
Ted: Why wouldn't she?
Lily: Oh Ted, oh sweetie. Okay, here's the thing that guys only learn after they move in with a woman: all of your stuff is stupid.

Rate this quote:

Lily: (In an English accent) Cor blimey. This is a nice bloody surprise. What's this about, then?
Ted: Lily, it's about the weird fake English accent.
Lily: (Still talking in an English accent) Bollocks.

Rate this quote:

Ted: (Talking about the planned intervention for him) What was it for? The Crocs? The hair product?
Marshall: Not Stella.
Ted: Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
Marshall: I just said, "not Stella," so maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
Ted: What?
Marshall: It's out of control, see?

Rate this quote:

Ted: Lily, come on, let's hear yours.
Lily: "Gilbert's reading skills have improved drastically since..." Wait, this is a letter I meant to send home with one of my kindergrtners.
*Cuts to other apartment*
Gilbert's mother: Gilbert, are things moving too fast between you and a girl named Stella?
Gilbert: I wish.

Rate this quote:

Ted: Robin, could I hear yours?
Robin: "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey - and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."
Ted: Yeah, you already read that one at my pronunciation intervention. Where's the letter about Stella?
Robin: I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?

Rate this quote:

Robin: Barney, this is an intervention.
"Old Barney": I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Marshall: Enough with the "old man" bit.
"Old Barney": What about the old sand pit?
Lily: Let it go.
"Old Barney": "Let It Snow"? I love that old ditty!
Ted: I'm getting my flail.
"Old Barney": You're setting sail?

Rate this quote:

Barney: Marriage is stupid! Every year there are a million new, hot, 22-year-olds walking into bars, and call me 'glass-half-full,' but I think they're getting dumber.

Rate this quote:

Girl at bar: How old are you?
"Old Barney": 83, how old are you?
Girl at bar: 31.
"Old Barney": Ugh. *Barney walks away*.

Rate this quote: