'Intervention' - Season 4, Episode 4
While Ted packs away his stuff to move to New Jersey, he discovers the gang was going to hold an intervention over his engagement to Stella.
Air Date: October 13th 2008.
Robin: I know your new place has had some problems with the slanted floor and the sewage treatment plant nearby, but you're going to turn it into a great home. Tell him, Lily.
Lily: It's a black hole where dreams go to die. I'm not moving, either!
Ted: My James Bond movies. Remember we watched them all in order and Lily spoke in that weird British accent for like a month?
Lily: (Speaking in a British accent) It was sophisticated.
"Old Barney": In a few minutes, the young me from your time is going to come through that door. Now, Cindy, I know this sounds insane, but in order to save the planet, you need to sleep with him tonight.
Cindy: What? I...
"Old Barney": Sleep with Barney Stinson tonight, in whatever way he wants it, or he won't be able to find the solution to global warming that saves the human race.
Robin: I'm moving to Japan. It took me a half hour to pack.
Lily: A half hour?
Robin: Well, it would have taken me 20 minutes, but a friend called me in tears.
Robin: Stella's not gonna let you keep half of this junk.
Ted: Why wouldn't she?
Lily: Oh Ted, oh sweetie. Okay, here's the thing that guys only learn after they move in with a woman: all of your stuff is stupid.
Lily: (In an English accent) Cor blimey. This is a nice bloody surprise. What's this about, then?
Ted: Lily, it's about the weird fake English accent.
Lily: (Still talking in an English accent) Bollocks.
Ted: (Talking about the planned intervention for him) What was it for? The Crocs? The hair product?
Marshall: Not Stella.
Ted: Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
Marshall: I just said, "not Stella," so maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
Marshall: It's out of control, see?
Ted: Lily, come on, let's hear yours.
Lily: "Gilbert's reading skills have improved drastically since..." Wait, this is a letter I meant to send home with one of my kindergärtners.
*Cuts to other apartment*
Gilbert's mother: Gilbert, are things moving too fast between you and a girl named Stella?
Gilbert: I wish.
Ted: Robin, could I hear yours?
Robin: "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey - and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."
Ted: Yeah, you already read that one at my pronunciation intervention. Where's the letter about Stella?
Robin: I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?
Robin: Barney, this is an intervention.
"Old Barney": I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
Marshall: Enough with the "old man" bit.
"Old Barney": What about the old sand pit?
Lily: Let it go.
"Old Barney": "Let It Snow"? I love that old ditty!
Ted: I'm getting my flail.
"Old Barney": You're setting sail?
Barney: Marriage is stupid! Every year there are a million new, hot, 22-year-olds walking into bars, and call me 'glass-half-full,' but I think they're getting dumber.
Girl at bar: How old are you?
"Old Barney": 83, how old are you?
Girl at bar: 31.
"Old Barney": Ugh. *Barney walks away*.