'Rebound Bro' - Season 3, Episode 18
Barney finds a new wingman to replace Ted, while Ted considers taking things with Stella to the next level.
Air Date: May 5th 0208.
Lily: When Marshall and I had been together for two months, we were doing it 24/7.
Ted: I know, I was in the top bunk. I also sat next to you guys at football games.
Marshall: You haven't had sex since Thanksgiving. Do you know how many federal holidays have passed since then?
Lily: Remember what we did on Martin Luther King Day?
Marshall: Oh, yeah. We honored the hell out of that dude.
Stella: Ted and I are going to have a night out.
Lily: A night out. I think I'd explode if it'd been that long since I'd had a "night out."
Marshall: Sometimes this one wakes me up at three in the morning for a "night out."
Stella: What are you guys talking about?
Marshall: Nothing. Pizza. What are you talking about?
Marshall: Let's put this into context. The last time Stella had sex, the movie Seabiscuit had just galloped into theaters ... and our hearts.
Lily: Five years? If I had to go one year without having sex, I'd be out on the street, selling it for a nickel.
Marshall: The last time Stella had sex, people were just learning about S.A.R.S.
Barney: I'm the greatest wingman of all the time!
Robin: Ted doesn't know what he is missing.
Barney: You had to mention Ted, didn't you?
Ted: We can do it against the door. It will be hot. It will be like a three-way: you, me and the door.
Stella: Yeah, but then it's going to be weird between me and the door tomorrow.
Barney: No offense, Randy, but there is a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is Vice President of Awesome. And you're like Assistant Undersecretary of Only OK.
Robin: Let me ask you something, Ted. why are you so much madder at Barney than me?
Lily: Yeah, she had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her!
Robin: You know what, I'm not sure that's true.
Ted: Unexpected number of testicles?
Stella: It happens. I knew a guy in med school, we used to joke he was one ball from getting walked.