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Quotes from The Bracket

The Bracket

'The Bracket' - Season 3, Episode 14

One of Barney's exes is conspiring to sabotage his attempts to hook up with women, but he doesn't know who.

Air Date: March 31st 2008.

Barney: She said I hooked up with her? Well, what's her name? What'd she look like?
Lily: She didn't say her name. But she had blonde hair, boobs... kinda trashy.
Barney: Dead in the eyes with an aura of self-loathing and despair?
Lily: Yes!
Barney: That's all of them!

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Ted: Why don't you check your list?
Barney: My list?
Ted: Come on, man. Don't pretend you're not the kind of guy who keeps a list of all the women he's slept with.
Marshall: I have one. It's called my marriage license. (He and Lily high-five)

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Barney: Okay, girl who thought I owned Google or girl who thought I was a scuba instructor?
Ted: You gotta go scuba instructor.
Robin: You're kidding?!
Ted: She got the bends!
Barney: Yeah, she did!
Marshall: (Doing a thumbs-down) Boo!

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Lily: Maybe you're not as good a liar as you think you are.
Barney: Oh, really, then why am I not in prison for perjury? But I don't wanna talk about work.

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Barney: Lily, this girl hates me. I hooked up with her in an apartment I was pretending was my own, told her I loved her and then ditched her there. She got arrested for trespassing, bit a cop and spent eight days in jail.

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Barney: Ahh, there she is.
Lily: Oh, and she's holding hot coffee, maybe she'll throw it in your face.
Barney: You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
Lily: I'm making a scrapbook.

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Barney: This is a nightmare! Some woman that I slept with and screwed over is trying to ruin my life. God, why is this happening to me?
Lily: It's karma.
Barney: Nah, it's not Karma. She's stripping in we're good.

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