'Matchmaker' - Season 1, Episode 7
Barney takes Ted to a matchmaker and while she throws Barney out, she promises to find a woman for Ted in three days.
Air Date: November 7th 2005.
Ellen: How do I say this? This is gonna be really hard. Ted, there are absolutely no women out there for you. Phew, actually I got through that OK.
Ellen: How do you think I feel? I have a 100% success rate. It's my hook. I could probably find somebody for you if you were gay.
Ted: Well, I'm not.
Ellen: A little bi maybe?
Ted: My God, this is incredible. We're like the same person. Sarah O'Brien loves brunch. She wants to have two children. Her guilty pleasure song is "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft.
Barney: Wow, Ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman.
Marshall: For as much as we know about the cockamousse, there are still so much we don't know.
Robin: Well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking.
Ted: OK, this is getting weird, the similarities go on and on. She hates phonies. I totally hate phonies too. She's a dermatologist. I have skin.
Barney: You want to be her boyfriend. She already has a boyfriend. It's uncanny.
Sarah: Ted, just calm down.
Ted: Calm down? You're my only match! There was a computer and there were 8 fish in the sea full of lesbians.
Robin: Well, I believe that you saw something perfectly normal, but you've exaggerated it in your mind; you know, um, like the Loch Ness Monster.
Marshall: If by "like the Loch Ness Monster," you mean "totally exists and is awesome," then, yeah, it's like the Loch Ness Monster.
Lily: Don't Ted-out about it.
Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Barney: Oh, yeah, we do that when you're not around. "Ted-out": to over think. See also "Ted-up": to over think with disastrous consequences. For example, "Billy Tedded-up when he-".
Ted: All right, I get it!
Ellen: Don't give up hope, Ted. There are new women turning 18 every day.
Barney: Come on, Ted, this is an incredible opportunity. We'll meet our soul mates, nail 'em and never call 'em again.