'Sweet Taste of Liberty' - Season 1, Episode 3
After agreeing to let Barney spice up his love life, Ted ends up in Philadelphia and in trouble with the law.
Air Date: October 3rd 2005.
Barney: It's going to be legen... wait for it ...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant because the second half of that word is ... DAIRY!
Ted: Barney, I am going to kill you.
Barney: Don't say you're gonna kill someone in front of airport security. Not cool.
Ted: If you want to go lick the Liberty Bell, just go lick it yourself.
Barney: No, it has to be the two of us.
Ted: Why? Why do you need me?
Barney: Because you're my best friend, all right? You don't have to tell me I'm yours. But the way I see it, we're a team. Without you, I'm just the dynamic uno.
Random Guy: So where are you from, heaven?
Robin: That's right, I'm a ghost. I died fifteen years ago, kinda like that pick-up line.
Ted: (To Barney) Wait, so when you said we were going to pick someone up at the airport you meant you were going to pick someone "up" at the airport?
Robin: Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another comes along in five minutes.
Lily: Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything!
Barney: Tuck in your shirt; you look sketchy.
Ted: I look sketchy?
Barney: Look, our forefathers died for the "pursuit of happiness," okay? Not for the "sit around and wait of happiness." Now if you want, we can go to the same bar, drink the same beer, talk to the same people every day or you can lick the Liberty Bell. You can grab life by the crack and lick the crap out of it.
Ted: My friend does this thing where he goes to the airport and leaves fake luggage in order to meet women.
Airport Security Guard: No one is that lame.
Ted: He is, he's that lame. Barney, tell them you're that lame.
Barney: We are international businessmen.