'Pilot' - Season 1, Episode 1
It's the year 2030 and the older Ted Mosby is recalling how he met his wife.
Air Date: September 19th 2005.
Future Ted: Kids, I'm going to tell you an incredible story - the story of how I met your mother.
Son: Are we being punished for something?
Lily: Wow, you're cooking?
Marshall: Yes, I am.
Lily: Awww. Are you sure that's a good idea after last time? You looked really creepy without eyebrows.
Robin: I'm going to Orlando for a week on Friday. Some guy is attempting to make the world's biggest pancake. Guess who's covering it?
Ted: That's gonna take a week?
Robin: Yeah, he's gonna eat it too. It's another record.
Ted: You know what? I'm done being single, I'm not good at it. Look, obviously you can't tell a woman you just met that you love her, but it sucks that you can't. I'll tell you something though, if a woman, not you, just some hypothetical woman, were to bear with me through all this, I think I'd make a damn good husband, because that's the stuff I'd be good at. Stuff like making her laugh and being a good father and walking her five hypothetical dogs. Being a good kisser.
Robin: Everyone thinks they're a good kisser.
Ted: Oh, I've got references.
Robin: I love a Scotch that's old enough to order its own Scotch.
Barney (Ted) You suited up! This is totally going in my blog.
Robin: My friend just got dumped, so tonight all men are "the Enemy".
Ted: If it would make your friend feel better, you can throw a drink in my face.
Robin: She would love that!