Robin: Guys are like the subway. You miss one, another comes along in five minutes.
Lily: Unless it's the end of the night, then you get on anything!
Lily: If he's really droning on, you can always practice saying the alphabet backwards. You know, in case you get pulled over for a DUI.
Robin: I guess I don't know how to do that.
Lily: Yeah, it's really hard, even when you're sober. That's what I tried to explain to the cop.
Lily: Ted, even if she is married, it's a Canadian marriage. It's like their money, or their army. Nobody takes it seriously.
Lily: So, just to be clear: you wanted everybody to go the mall -- today?
Lily: There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to know that it really is a mistake is to make that mistake and go, "Yup, that was a mistake". So really, the bigger mistake would be to not make the mistake because then you'll go about your whole life not knowing whether it was a mistake or not.
Barney: Guess who just got four tickets to the "Origins of Chewbacca" Star Wars exhibit?
Barney: No, I said, "guess who?"
Lily: I heard you.
Robin: Here's Barney's briefcase. He forgot it here this morning.
Lily: And what are you planning to do with it?
Robin: We, we, you and I, are gonna open it up and look for evidence. Ted probably has a sledgehammer around here somewhere.
Lily: No, stop, stop! Eye contact. Listen to me. Robin Scherbatsky is many things: friend, confidant, occasional guest star in some confusing dreams that remind me a woman's sexuality is a moving target. But she is not crazy jealous stalker bitch!
Robin: I get recognized once and I start thinking I'm Julia Roberts. I'm no VIP, I'm not even an IP. I'm just a lonely little P, sitting here in the gutter.
Lily: You know something? I'd take a P in the gutter over Julia Roberts any day.
Robin: Bras suck. They're so confining and unnatural.
Lily: Yeah, they're like a boobie zoo.
Marshall: The broken windows?
Lily: We had to make it look realistic.
Marshall: But why did you break two of them?
Robin: It looked like fun when she did it, so I wanted to give it a try.
Marshall: I can't believe it was you guys. I've been blaming really tan dancing leotard guy.
Lily: I'm sorry Marshall, but sharing that secret was when Robin and I became best friends.
Lily: Barney, am I crazy? Marshall talks to his dad way too much.
Barney: You don't want my opinion on that.
Lily: Why not?
Barney: If I had my dad's number, I would never not be on the phone with him.
Lily: Wow, Barney. That was really...
Barney: Whoa, check out who just walked in! A hottie with a body! (Makes motorboat noises)
Ted: It's funny, looking back on it now. I was so sure Stella was the one. And when she left me, I was so devastated. But you guys got me through it, and now the painful part's over, I've come out the other side a little bit stronger. You know, I hardly even think about her anymore. That's what time does, I guess.
Lily: Ted, the wedding was yesterday.
Lily: (Waking up suddenly) Crap! Band! We forgot a band! It's just gonna be silence and then people chewing.
Barney: Lily, why can't you just let us be happy?
Lily: You're not happy! You just think you're happy because you feel happy.
Barney: And that's not happy?
Lily: Of course not!
Marshall: We'll get a new car, and we'll fill that one up with new memories. That'll be the car we have when we're first married. When we own our first house. Maybe even the first car our four kids remember.
Lily: Oh, that's so sweet. The first car our two kids remember.
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